Terminal illness

The Schadenfreud side of me came out when I heard BBC world service news hour talking about the launch of Heathrow's Terminal 5 opening and how it has been a right old British cock up.
T5 has been 20 years in planning and cost around $9B. It was to be used exclusively by British Airways and it would lead to a renaissance of Heathrow Airport.

After the big fanfare came the reality: Cancelled flights; long delays; lost luggage and confusion.

BA is blaming BAA. BAA is blaming BA. BA,BAA black sheep have you lost my bags, yes sir, yes sir, three flights full....

Passengers were confused with people swearing never to fly British airways again. British press and their headline writers are having a field day and this is ideal rant about the demise of British reputation. I am frankly appaled - UK reputation was already in the doldrums.

I'm LMAO as I type this, not at misery of the travelers but at the hubris of the cheifs who predicted a bright new future but are instead eating ample amounts of humble pie.

British Management, planning and big events do not go together. Britain is the land of the Professional Amateurs and proud of it. Instead, UK needs professional professionals and embarrased by the stupid sh1t which gets accepted. Project manager (outside software) needs to be a certified job itself and companies should not be run by the accountants.

My'laud, I present the case for the prosecution.

Exhibit A: I present The Millineum Dome 'regarded by press as a flop. badly thought out, badly executed, and leaving the government with the embarrasing question of what to do with afterwards'. Famous words by Tony Blair "In the Dome we have a creation that, I believe, will truly be a beacon to the world". Take a look at her Maj's face at the Y2K party. Classic. Bhwahh ! Btw: I particularly enjoyed reading about the Dome fiasco in Alistair Cambell's diary. This is an excellent book and highly recommended.

Exhibit B: The London Eye (aka Millenium Wheel). "It was opened by the Prime Minister, Tony Blair, at 20:00 GMT on December 31, 1999, although it was not opened to the public until March 2000 because of technical problems. Since its opening, the Eye, operated by Merlin Entertainments but sponsored by British Airways, has become a major landmark and tourist attraction".

Your worship and members of the jury, this is a pattern with BA.

Exhibit C: The Zero worshiping. I would like to enter into the court records one character, Eddie "the Eagle" Edwards. Although holding the lofty title of British National Ski-jumping Record holder, and the sole British applicant, for the 1988 Winter Olympics ski-jumping competition. His achievement was finishing last in 70m and 90m. Mr Edwards was 20 pounds heavier than nearest contestant and extremly short sighted that his glasses would steam up. "In response to the Edwards phenomenon, in 1990, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) instituted what became known as the Eddie the Eagle Rule, which requires Olympic hopefuls to compete in international events and place in the top 30 percent or the top 50 competitors, whichever is the lesser". In British slang, Your honour, Mr Edwards, is widely known in the vernicular as a prize plonker.

Exhibit D: The Dunkirk Spirit. This often tounted event as a proud moment was actually part of a huge military defeat. Here is a great article on this. "The reality, of course, was that Dunkirk was a monumental defeat. Historians have called the image of the evacuation which grew up in Britain ‘the necessary myth’ – necessary to maintain morale, but not true. When the navy tried to take the troops from the beaches, the boats became stuck on the mud, so the idea was abandoned – most soldiers were evacuated, not from the beaches, but by ferry from Dunkirk. Small craft only became involved after 31 May, and only evacuated 25,000 men (a tiny proportion)."

Exhibit E: Northern Rock. This was UK's 5th largest mortgage company but had to be nationalized recently. The idjiots had overlent to anybody with a pulse and taxpayers are on the hok. So much for the Ex-chancellor's solid performance of the Economy.

My laud. In summary, I have presented the case that UK is guilty of the heinous crime of 1st degree hubris.

Being the of merciful nature, I and my fellow accusers request that Britain be judged lightly in terms of illness. It has assumed multiple false characters, one of which is competence.

An institutionalised sentence for treatment is requested based on previous good behaviour.
I rest my case.

Phileas Fogg,
Contintal CO 5571
28th March 2008